Lights Out (Part V)

Sarah stared into Tony’s eyes; she was lost, searching for a reason why his lips landed on her’s. She could not understand why she felt such a sensation. She was supposed to feel disgruntled in some type way. This was not ok to her. He was her patient, and still madly in love with his wife. She seemed to forget all of this as the warmth of his body sat next her’s.

They looked at each other, both confused and satisfied. Tony opened his mouth to speak when he was rudely interrupted by nature. The thunder roared loud outside and scared Sarah. He saw she was frightened, and quickly grabbed and console her. The lights in the bookstore went off. They sat together in the darkness wondering what was happening now, and what was to come next.

The emergency lights came on in the store, and they were given orders to stay inside. Tony kept his grip on Sarah as they began to get comfortable with the new situation.

“Ya know! I’d have to say; you’re a much better listener than most people. It’s very reassuring.”

Sarah smiled and shook her head, “Well, it wasn’t always this way. I used to be really chatty when I was younger. My mother would always tell me that if I ran as much as I talked, I would be in the Olympics. I guess, I have my training to thank for the ears that I have now.”

“If you were so talkative when you were younger, why didn’t you become a lawyer?”

“That was my father’s dream. He always wanted me to go to law school, but I was always a rebel when it came to his advice.” Sarah shifted herself in Tony’s arms, “I wanted to be a ballerina. My mother put me into dance classes when I was four. From that first class on, I kept spinning my way through life, and I made sure to ignore my father as much as possible.”

Tony looked deep into her eyes in search of some kind of truth, “Why?”

“He never wanted me to dance. He didn’t say much at first, but as I got older, all he wanted me to do was focus on school. Since he didn’t want me to do what made me happy, I just ignored him. My mother was enough support for me.”

“So why aren’t you a dancer now? Since you love it so much, why haven’t you continued to dance?”

Sarah then became uncomfortable and released herself from the comfort of Tony’s arms. She stared off into the distance and remained silent.

Tony recognized her discomfort. It was very familiar to him now, discomfort. He asked her, “Is something wrong? Do you want to talk about something else?”

“No. It’s ok. You need to hear this.” Sarah looked into to Tony’s eyes, as if trying to pierce his soul. “My father always drank whenever he was angry, this particular time was no different. We had both been arguing all week about my dance performance, which happened to be the night before I was scheduled to take my SATs. He didn’t want me to perform that night. Instead, he wanted me to stay home and study. I was determined to perform; it was my senior year of high school, and I was not going to miss anything that was important to me. He and my mother got into it that day, which made him drink more than usual.”

She paused, then continued, “Whenever they went anywhere together, my father always drove. No matter if he had a few drinks or not, he always drove. I guess it was something about wearing the pants in the relationship, I don’t know.”

Sarah ran her hands through her hair. All of her frustration and pain showed through her face and hands. She tapped her foot on the ground as her knees shook, and she rocked slightly back and forth. Tears began to form as she began to speak, “The show was at the theatre downtown, our winter show always was a hit. Every year people filled the seats to watch our spectacle. My mother invited her assistant, Candice, to the show. She came with her husband, and they sat in the reserved seating section. I always peaked out the side curtain before every show, just to see how many people came to see me perform. I saw Candice, but I didn’t see my mother. I figured that they were running late or something.”

Tony rubbed her back and tried to make her as comfortable as possible. He wanted her to trust him with her pain and heartache. He listened intensively and only spoke when it was needed.

Sarah became more broken as her story continued, she began to curl up and cry harder. Her words were now very sob like and hard to understand. “They,” Sarah struggled through her next sentence, stuttering along each word. “They never made it.” She sniffled and tried to compose herself as she continued, “The car flipped a few times and landed on the passenger’s side. Mama died at impact and my dad was paralyzed at the waist.” She placed her head in her hands.

Tony attempted to ease her pain, “You don’t think it was your fault do you?” Though this question was very innocent, Sarah looked at Tony with an expression that only read, “You dumb fool. What do you think?”

She shouted at him, “Of course it was my fault. If I had stayed home and studied like my dad asked me to, he wouldn’t have been drinking, and they wouldn’t have drove that night. My father would still have his legs, and my mother would be alive today telling me how flowers are life’s teddy bear.”

“Sarah, calm down now. Just listen. Things happen, and sometimes they don’t happen the way we want them to, or how we wish them to be, but they just happen how they do. Don’t beat yourself up!”

She eased herself as she replied. “My father blamed himself forever. He never picked up a drink again, and he didn’t speak for months after the accident. It was hard in our house at that time. I didn’t have my mother, and he didn’t have his wife. He loved my mother. He tolerated me, but he loved my mother.” She made sure to emphasize the word love so that Tony knew the level of which her father loved her lover mother. “I believe I tolerated him as much as he did me. Since my mother was gone, we had to try to figure out a way to make it work, at least until I went off to college. My dad was so broken though, so I decided to find out how to help him get over everything. I read a bunch of books on human emotions and how different events alter a person’s emotional balance. By the end of the summer I was able to get my dad smiling and painting again. So then I went off to school as a psychology major and the rest is history.”

“Well you’re obviously good at helping people with their problems, but who do you go to for yours?”

Sarah smiled as she looked at Tony, “I don’t need anyone to cry to, I have myself.”

The lights came back on in the store. Tony went and found some tissue for Sarah so she could wipe up her emotional outburst. They sat adjacent from each other as they heard the bell ring on the front door as it opened.

“Hey baby! Sorry I’m late, the traffic is terrible outside because of this storm.”

Sarah stood up. She nervously let out, “Hey! Baby!” She hugged him and turned towards Tony. “Tony, this is Stephen. My boyfriend.”