On Mary (Part II)

Tony froze; lungs inflated with hesitation, and his mind racing a million miles a minute trying to find something to say. He searched for the words to describe the dark sea that he was currently drowning in. He closed his eyes for a moment to remember her, and then he opened them to prevent the birth of tears.

Sarah waited patiently for him to answer. She examined his movements, every wince of his lip, each double blink, even the way he rubbed his hands was taken into account. His nervousness was obvious, so she did not pressure him into a quick answer.

Tony began to speak, his voice was broken and his words were somewhat choppy. Tears began to fall from his cheeks as he spoke, "I have not seen her for three periods of thirty days, but I have seen rose gardens and ocean waters. My eyes have been filled with the genius of God's hand, his artistic touch left upon nature, but I have missed her face. I was, and still am, so madly in love with that woman that my heart would literally beat at her pace. If she was asleep while I stayed up late struggling for words to finish a project, my heart would beat as slow and as soft as her's. On days that she ran through the fields of our summer home, I would lay on the porch swing and marvel at her beauty while holding my chest to slow down my racing heart. Now that her's beats no more, I wish for mine to go at the same rate, but not all wishes can be granted. Not even death can be given when asked for, it only sneaks up and takes you by surprise like the thief in the night. Death will be pleasant, for when I die, my heart will beat again."

There was a certain stillness in the room now. The sounds that filled the room were the sniffles that came from Tony's nose and the sound of the running air-condition.

Sarah placed her glasses softly on her notepad, which sat comfortably on her lap. Her eyes gazed deep into the soul of the man that lay before her. For years she has studied human behavior. She has come up with theories on why women tend to like jerks, but search years hoping to fall in love with the right man. And why men tend to want multiple sexual partners, but look down upon women who are just as promiscuous.

After all of the pages of knowledge that she has packed into her brain, along with the countless patients she has dealt with, this particular encounter was her most challenging. She had to battle with the most powerful entity known to man, love. Love has the ability to overtake every rational sense of a person, and the worst part is that once love takes over a person, he or she will never be in control.

“Well Tony, you sure do love your wife.”

“This is true. To death.”

“Have you contemplated suicide?”

“I have thought of being with my wife. I am my happiest when I am with her. So in order to rid myself of this mountain of depression, I think it will be best for me to go where she is.”

“What is stopping you?”

“She wouldn’t be happy if I did such a thing. She was always an optimist. She believed that things would always get better, no matter what the situation was. So I’m tied in an inevitable knot.”

“I see,” she paused to think, “Well, can we make a deal?”

“Yes.”

“I want to see you once a week for the next three months. In each session we can talk as much as you want, you can tell me all that you want, or we can be silent. It is all up to you, but I want you to make sure that you are here, once, every week. Deal?”

“I guess I’ll have to hold off the big jump for another week, huh doc?” Tony said this in a joking manner.

“Tony, that’s not funny!”

He smiled and walked out of her office to schedule an appointment for the next week.

Meanwhile, Sarah stayed in her office to think over her plans for this patient. She closed her eyes to imagine what he might be feeling at this moment and what would be the best way to help him. She sat there rubbing her forehead gently for ten minutes then opened her eyes to a surprise. She looked on the couch and found a ring rested in the center of it. It was Mary’s; Tony had left it there.

The First Session (Part I)

After the death of his wife, Tony was recommended by family to see a psychiatrist. It was a Tuesday morning and Tony found himself seated comfortably on a brown leather couch in a well air conditioned room. He examined the glass coffee table in front of him which was covered with magazines that ranged from Cosmopolitan to Time, there was even an old issue of Sports Illustrated. Tony decided to look through Martha Stewart Living, this was Mary's favorite magazine, but he could never understand her fascination with towels and curtains.

He continued to look around the waiting room and noticed the sun peeking through the window to his left, he laughed at the beige curtains that resembled the ones in the magazine he had been thumbing through. Tony was fascinated with the decorating of the waiting room and thought of his wife. She was a fiend for color schemes and center pieces, and he began to think what she might have changed about the room, or if she would have left it the same. The last thing he noticed was the single white calla-lily that sat in a blue vase in the far corner.

"Mr. Fitzgerald", Tony was disrupted from his floral examination, "Dr. Peterson will see you now."

Tony took a deep breath as he stood to enter what he thought was a "mental check-up". He walked into the room and was overwhelmed with the massive book collection that decorated the room. He thought the room looked more like a library than a doctor's office. He was then reassured about the true nature of the room as he saw the ever-popular psychiatrist couch in the middle of the room.

"Well it won't bite." Tony stopped and turned to the voice. For the first moment in what seemed like forever, he forget about his wife. Tony had never heard anything this sweet, never seen anything so nice, and only once felt time stop, that was the day that he met Mary.

"Excuse me?" Tony questioned her.

"Sit down Mr. Fitzgerald so we may begin. The chair won't bite, neither will I."

"Begin? Shouldn't we wait for Dr. Peterson?"

"Well if there is another Dr. Peterson you wish to see then sure, but for now you'll have to settle for me. Dr. Sarah Peterson." She smiled and shook his hand. She felt comfort from his strong hands.

"But your beautiful." He shook his head as he corrected himself, "I mean your a woman."

She blushed, "I am flattered Mr. Fitzgerald and yes I am a woman. But I think we should start, we only have an hour per session."

Tony shook his head in agreeance, once again studied the couch for one last time before laying down. He was then greeted with an outrageous amount of comfortability, which eased his anxiety.

"So, will it be ok if I call you Tony?"

"Please do. I am not your boss." He chuckled at his comment. Tony usually used humor as a way to cope with his nervousness.

"Well Tony, tell me about yourself."

"What is it that you wish to know?"

"Whatever it is you wish to tell me. I just want to know more about you."

"Well, I still don't know what I should tell you." Tony tried to stare at the ceiling to keep from looking at Sarah. He was dazzled by her beauty. He examined her from head to toe, finding an overwhelming interest in her face. He liked the way her brown hair was in a bun, and her complexion was something perfect to him. He loved her glasses though, he thought her glasses made her even sexier. When he looked at her, he did not in any way look at her with a disgusting lustful eye. He had the eyes of an admirer.

"I'll give you an example. I like reading. I have a dog. I like shrimp. My favorite color is green. My favorite flower is..."

"A white calla-lily?" He interrupted.

She was surprised, shocked even. "Yes", she said softly so that he could barely hear.

"I wish I were more of a conventional man. One who followed sports or went to strip clubs. One who enjoyed the thrill of roller-coasters and scary movies. But conventional I am not. No, I am one who thinks with the thoughts of red roses and church bells. I am one who has actually become more satisfied with the feeling of ink leaving a pen, than the feeling one shares while experiencing intercourse. I am fascinated with beauty and the thought of what is beautiful."

"No you are not conventional", she agreed with him. "I see you have a ring on your finger. Tell me about your wife."

(Intro) Lovely Tears

She was something wonderful, the only person that could erase all of his pain. Tony wasn't the easiest person to love, but Mary did an impeachable job doing so. She dealt with his frustrations, confusion, and misery; and he rested in her compassion. Gorgeous beyond belief, Mary was all that he could ask for and more. Tony enjoyed every second with her and dreaded the hours she wasn't next to him. They shared a passionate love.

They rested next to each other, as they do night after night, this one being special. It was a full moon and the stars lit their room while passion love was experienced in their bed. There was an incredible adoration that they each shared for one another and it was felt that night, so they slept well. Tony placed his arms around the curves of Mary's body and held her closer than he had ever done before. She felt his heart beat softly on her back. Each beat pumped love down her spine. The room was at ease.

The sun rose the next morning, as did Tony; but something was wrong, he could feel it. He looked at his wife who seemed to rest peacefully, so he kissed her cheek and proceeded with his Saturday morning ritual; pancakes and orange juice, and a single white rose from their garden.

He began to walk towards their room with breakfast in hand. Mary was usually awake by this time, but she laid in bed without movement. Tony was confused, but he looked at her with a smile; nothing was more beautiful to him than his wife, especially when she was asleep and the sunlight bled through the curtains to highlight her face. She was perfect without disruption or distraction, he could stare at her in fascination forever.

He tried to wake her with kisses on her cheek, her forehead and her lips. She didn't move. He shook her slightly and hoped for movement, but she was still. Tony was scared now, and listened for a heart beat, there was none. He checked for a pulse and found nothing. His 27 year old wife was dead. His world was empty now.

"Why?" Tony began to speak as tears ran down each cheek.

"My beautiful wife. Why must you leave me so soon? So lonely I am without you? I am nothing now."

He held his wife in his arms; tears were dropping like rain. He rocked her like a baby like that would help some how, but he was completely clueless in this situation. What is a man to do when he has lost life and love in the same breath?